Just Between Us, This One’s for You and Me
Now for another “Word to the Wise.” This time we have a cautionary tale of good grammar gone awry. (Awry is pronounced uh-RY to rhyme with apply. Do you know what it means?)
Here’s the question I’d like you to consider: Why is it that so many people insist on using the nominative rather than the objective case with the prepositions for and between?
Nominative? Objective? What the heck is he talking about? you’re thinking.
All right, I’ll put it in plain English. Why do people say “for you and I” and “between you and I” when good grammar requires “for you and me” and “between you and me”?
Believe me, this is not an error the ordinary person makes. It’s a mistake committed almost exclusively by educated folks who ought to know better. Talk to any Joe Blow on the street and I’ll bet he’ll say, “Just between you and me, pal, there’s somethin’ screwy goin’ on at city hall.” Or sit down next to him at a bar and he’ll say to the bartender, “Hey Mac, howzabout a round for my friend and me?” But give him a college degree, a professional position, and a house in the suburbs, and by golly the next minute you’ll hear, “Let’s keep this information between you and I,” or “I think this is a good investment for you and I.”
So, just between you and me, why is it that so many upwardly mobile types say “just between you and I”? Did their sixth-grade teachers give them a demerit for saying “it’s me” instead of “it is I”? Did their mothers dock their allowance for telling a friend, “You and me should go out and play”?
Whatever the reason, if you are one of the many who have graduated from the unpretentious and proper “just between you and me” to the overrefined, pinky-in-the-air erroneousness of “just between you and I,” it’s high time to get reeducated—or de educated, as the case may be.
In The Careful Writer, Theodore M. Bernstein says that “uncomprehending souls who have heard strictures about ‘It is me’ tend to think of ‘me’ as a naughty word, particularly when it is associated with ‘you,’ which they mistake for a nominative case. Thinking they are leaning over backward to be correct, they somersault onto their faces and come up with ‘between you and I.’”
Think of the nominative case as being the subject of a sentence. In the sentence “I am going,” I is the subject and in the nominative case. In the sentence “You and I are going,” you and I is a compound subject, and both words are in the nominative case. In the sentence “It is for you,” it is now the subject, and you is in the objective case. In the sentence “It’s for you and me,” the subject is still it, and you and me are in the objective case. The problem is caused by the word you, which can be either nominative or objective, but which in our misguided attempt to be proper we tend to treat as a nominative.
If all this grammar is so much linguistic jargon to your ear, just remember this rule of thumb: Whenever something is between someone else and you, or for someone else and you, say me, not I: “There’s no difference between you and me”; “The boss had only the highest praise for Pamela, Gregg, and me.”
Or try this little trick: Eliminate the other people in the sentence and see how it sounds. If you’re about to say “It’s for him and I,” take out him and you’ll hear that “it’s for I” sounds wrong, which it is. I know you would never say “That’s for I, not her,” so take care to say “That’s for her and me.”
If you observe this rule, you will never sound unnatural or pretentious. And that’s my guarantee—just between you and me.
